Frustration.
every
single
time
I think I finally have my head on straight and can get ahead of my obligations, something fucking has to happen. Something has to fucking go down that leaves me fucking crying and unable to focus. Some new problem that will take a lot of stress and tears and suffering and again fucking failing to do the things that make my life livable. I'm so angry at feeling like I never get more than 2 days of sanity before I get shoved into this again.
Frustration.
I try so fucking hard to keep a smile on and be patient. I try so hard to not be upset and just let things happen.
I am so tired of bashing my head again the fucking brick wall of "If they could possibly harm me, they HAVE harmed me so I NEED to retaliate." logic. It's so frustrating and self-fulfilling and I'm so tired of fighting it.
Frustration.
Sorry to just....... rant on here, but I was trying to finish the work I should have finished yesterday, and the chores from yesterday, and oh look more work to do and more chores that aren't daily shit being pushed back and I'm so fucking SICK OF IT.
Frustration.
Days like this I wonder why I'm even in the living situation I'm in. Because days like today feels like it causes so many more problems than it solves.
Fuck. just. FUCK.
On top of all this I now feel sorry for the birds, the adorable little creatures I've brought into this situation with me. They don't deserve to be involved in all this.
