mh, holidays
I’m here, but I’ve been quiet as I try to unpack complex emotional issues without miscommunicating horribly.
Holiday planning always makes me reflective and nervous, because I gloriously fucked up in the past with people I still care about. Most of that was miscommunication/too little information on my end, followed by multiple botched repair attempts.
Which is another way of saying: I still care, but I wish I knew how to make this better, and not scare people by my presence.
mh, holidays
I know I need to invest more time into socializing and rebuilding my trust in how I communicate. And that I need to forgive myself for having had minimal or bad information and for trying to do my best with it, oversimplification and bad communication decisions included.
I wish this were easier for me. It’s taken years, and I still haven’t entirely forgiven myself.
