Goldkin @Goldkin@awoo.space

@kirbizard I think the memory leak crashes have gotten more pronounced. I lost 6 Cetus wisps and 4 argon crystals yesterday (with active boosters, mind) in missions immediately after I manually rebooted the software to flush memory.

I want to love this build of the game, but DE needs to stabilize it.

@orrery These are helpful, thank you

I guess I’m still trying to find those ways. I don’t quite have an answer, and my reclusiveness now is so I can do the work of figuring that out.

Because it’d be really cool to belong, for some value of “cool” and some value of “belong”. Even if I haven’t figured out what either of those are shaped like yet.

I had a brief window in which I was able to overcome those fears (posting art to Twitter, organizing small groups with locals ~4ish years ago). In that time, I socially burned out, my reclusive tendencies reasserted themselves, and then... I was accused of a bunch of stuff I didn’t do.

Which did break me, for awhile (sorry). And at the bottom of that, it returned me to the reticence that I’d felt before, even though I know there are ways this can work.

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking on that, especially in light of how folks’ perceptions of reality can dominate the truth. And I guess this is why I always expect things to go poorly for me in any group setting, reinforcing my predisposition to hide from people already.

Because if folks think my resulting reclusive behavior is an indicator I must be a bad person, I... really don’t have the bandwidth to challenge that notion nor change the behavior.

I guess that also leads people to fill in the gaps for this behavior. Common things I hear, in paraphrase:

* “Oh, them, they never respond, they’re probably an asshole.”
* “They’re really quiet except for specific subjects. Then they give way too much information.”
* “I think they’re plotting something.”

And I guess I understand the impulse to think that, but usually it’s because I’m paralyzed not knowing what my identity even is.

I think this is part of why I have so much trouble relating to people or figuring out how relationships — even casual friendships — are supposed to work. All of the hardware is there, all of the software is installed correctly, except I didn’t come with any configuration files whatsoever.

Which I guess I recognize as not broken, nor exactly. But it leaves people uncomfortable that I’m faking it. Which I guess I am.

A common thing, especially among trans friends, is that allowing oneself to express and be their gender is extremely powerful. But how does that work when you explore there and find absolutely nothing? Not a default configuration, not NB, not a suppressed narrative, but nothing — a tabula rasa in which impostor syndrome turned out to be correct?

I’ve been struggling with that for awhile, and I decided I’d build my own. I’m not good at this yet, but I’m trying.

@orrery May the Sun be with you, Chosen Undead. ☀️

I’m a remote employee, and my hatchday was yesterday. My manager remembered and tried to send a surprise order my way.

This resulted in my receiving a mystery call from Uber Eats from my manager’s first name, which I denied.

We had a laugh that this was exactly the right way that security puzzle should have been handled.

@ziphi While my favorites are Hubble nebula shots, I’ve also really liked @CrookedCosmos@high.cat for procedural filters applied to NASA’s collected image library. (Its a bot that applies various pixelation filters to randomly selected NASA images, and occasionally comes up with masterpieces.)

@mawr Majestic.

Removed an accidental boost because Amaroq doesn’t warn before boosting. I like this little client a lot, but I really wish it respected instance settings for confirmation dialogs.

@tastymochafox My experience with Talkspace (for a personal crisis and enbie issues) was positive.

I had a concern with the fact they store sessions at the server level, as I discovered when trying their web interface and having full history pop up. They also didn’t seem to support MFA when I used them. So if that is a concern for you, as it was for me, one of Talkspace’s competitors may be better.