Kistaro Windrider @Kistaro@awoo.space

No, brain, “AD&D” is not a correct conversational substitute for “ADHD”

It doesn’t matter how desperately people love each other when they are terrible for each others’ mental health.

It doesn’t matter how unsustainable a relationship is, it always hurts to end it, especially after so many years.

Or something like that. I wish we had found some sort of path that worked. But we searched for years and the problems we couldn’t solve only got worse.

I feel like people I love who love each other are mutually unintelligible to each other and I have tried to translate for years and all I have done is prolonged a mess.

I spent the day traipsing around trails with my parents in a park near Stevens Pass, which we'd visited also when they were here eight years ago. Today wasn't perfect, but it was good, and there was a lot of important discussion about chronic anxiety (and how it runs in the family dramatically worse than I thought), emotions, co-dependent behavior, and the weird problems we've all made for ourselves that we don't really know how to solve.

They're treating me much more like an adult now.

Also it turns out that part of what attracted my mother to my father is how completely 100% unlike her family he is.

She was tired of these people before I was even born. Of course I have mixed feelings at best about the eternal crises of my extended family.

My parents visited and I spent a few hours talking about the emotional and relationship problems I have today that trace back to the lack of socialization, narrow emotional range, and codependent behavior I was faced with growing up.

They agreed that these things were harmful, they see how it affected me and they wish they’d done things differently, and they’re dealing with many of the same issues because it wasn’t healthy for them either and they’re glad I’m figuring it out 25 years faster.

I really need to learn how to let people around me engage with the difficulties of the world like independent adults.

I’m not Toriel.

Preparing for my parents to visit this weekend included buying a safe and now I’m moving my obvious weed paraphernalia into it because it’s not that my mother has no respect for boundaries and privacy, it’s just that she has never seen anything wrong with idly going through drawers and shelves and cabinets when visiting family so I needed something with a lock on it.

My parents treated me way better than a lot of what I hear but I still have some issues to deal with

Sometimes I feel like I’m too desperately aware of social dynamics and implications (and my desperate attempts to avoid implying wrong things) to “really” be ASD

On average, society throughout history has come to recognize increasing concepts of human rights. This suggests that throughout human history, on average, the average person comes to realize that something about how they or their government treats humans is fundamentally wrong.

Humans are just self-driving bagpipes

today’s mood: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=SCD2tB1qILc

Important medical research that should probably be taken seriously by stressed people (a.k.a. everyone in capitalism): https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/m/pubmed/29977318/