I feel terrible right now, trying to remember that
1) this stuff is cumulative; I hit a bad patch which made me more succeptible to another bad patch, which made me more succeptible.
2) another perception thing is that I'm really deep in hoplessness and powerlessness. I know my perception is fucked right now. What's actually going on could be completely awful, beautifically optimistic, or anywhere in between, and I'd pick up only on the anxious pessimistic parts.