I loathe being an ethnicity which is either villains or invisible and of course the answer to that is “just accept that you’re white until we tell you otherwise.” I’d be a Kahanist if I didn’t consider that ethically bankrupt. I wish there were a way to feel good about Jewishness for a fucking change.
… fits into the overall “I wish I was something else, I wish I were actually good.” That’s such a tangle of childhood stuff that it’s gotta be recent stress fucking with me.