It’s very hard to avoid parsing a straightforward “you made a mistake” as a childhood “you fucked up you [derrogatory]!”, when in the context of “there are a batch of things for you to do with no/little instructions” which is a very childhood experience for me. Even without old associations making it worse the experience sucks and further contributes to wanting to skip and head straight towards forest.
Basically my job is people with more authority piling on work, assuming I will do it perfectly for them, because that’s convenient. Help seems remote. That’s a childhood button, so’s being there daily unable to go anywhere else, so’s having to stay late.
All these childhood buttons on top of just; doing a ton of work without down time, some of it very physical, and during a not especially soothing time, eats my ability to cope.
So any mistake is a fear spike and actual blame hits really hard.
