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Just a lot of thinking today. I’m getting much better spotting how my perception of elitism, disaster, lack of a future, and deep rooted personal flaws are old baggage from childhood, but I’m not yet good at working with the parts that are signal rather than noise. Similarly I’ve been saving money, but I’m so used to disasters which eat savings and work eating my life, I’m not spending money on useful self maintenance from getting my teeth cleaned to planning actual vacation.
I’m very lucky to be in forest to think; there’s nothing to distract other than walking.
I haven’t had a full day off work other than weekends since New Years; I’ve had four days off other than weekends since mid-September, I’m burned out on this. I want to swap jobs, I want to move somewhere cheaper and ideally I want to return to WFH but my job eats time and energy. I’m unsure where “I’m doing things I like and getting relatively affordable treats to stave off depression” becomes counterproductive.