Part of what really fucked me up in childhood was simply the lack of time and space to explore myself. I went from my parents' home to school and back and if I were really lucky I'd get enough money to go in to Lennox Square or something. Being "stuck, trapped and treading water" isn't a good feeling for someone who nearly died while stuck, trapped and treading water.

I mean, all jobs press "you are stuck, trapped and treading water," and it's especially bad with this job's expectation I'll be there daily basically, but the added expectation that I will dump in a batch of OT at any moment, and Friday it's basically the default, really hits those buttons.

It definitely sets me up for living more often in a state of irritability which I don't like.