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The world is bigger, more inclusive and more additive than I think, but part of why I keep my negative assumptions is that I don’t have emotional resources for more optimism (especially faced with the terrifying inevitably that eventually optimism is going to be proved wrong), and that’s a little of self fulfilling prophecy since the more negativity I feel, the less emotional wherewithal I have to deal with difficult situations as they arise in the here and now.
Because once I strip out the self hate, which really put a different narrative to Terrible Shit Which Happens to Me, I’m still left with Terrible Shit Happening. And since that Terrible Shit Happens for similar reasons - someone wants what they want, and they don’t know, possibly can’t notice (eg my folks), or know and don’t care that this makes me miserable - it’s real hard to see this as different Terrible Shit, or remember that previous Terrible Shit came to an end.