I found myself faced with wilderness survival tasks (put up/take down a tent, build fires, chop firewood, use Coleman stove, use rudimentary latrine), which I was anywhere from terrible to good at thanks to unfamiliarity, alongside *very* competent people.

I found that when low on blood sugar (and sleep's been only okay this weekend), and combined with some of the usual sources of self-hate (body image, intelligence as accomplishment) I can really beat myself up/get fear twinges about being judged even while in what's clearly a safe space with clearly safe people. This is also a bad time self-doubt wise thanks to my very recent job's "well you make too many mistakes which take too much time to correct" accusation.

There were also a couple of immense ego boosts in terms of my ability, this weekend.

I put all this together and come out of it noticing more the perfect-or-nothing narrative about skills in my childhood, that there just wasn't an understanding of skills as developing over time. I'm now thinking that if a skill's necessary (driving) or meaningful (drawing) enough to me, I simply force through the whole gifted class/gym class/math "well you SUCK at it now as a complete n00b and therefore should NEVER TOUCH THIS AGAIN," so I'm still not good at accepting skills as cumulative.