Religion, heterodoxy
Did some thinking about upcoming holiday. Stripped of “pacify the angry adult” baggage (connection involves grief and acknowledging mistakes), Yom Kippur is personally useful but uncomfortable, spiritually equivalent to cleaning the toilet. Praying for longer seems it’d be mindful and potentially make new connections. I now plan to eat so I’m less irritable (being pissed off is the opposite of penitent) and to pray in evenings so longer blocks of activity can help me focus.
Religion, heterodoxy
And of course once I stop thinking of G-d as this blonde bearded man everyone loves, who I am are also required to love, and who will make me suffer unless I say the right things (because ability to punish is proof of goodness);
Then G-d includes the action of “acknowledge connection including that I sometimes hurt others and need to stop doing it.” Fear and resentment help me survive immediately, they aren’t long term - and again PTSD dicks my ability to think long term.
