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is it in fact possible that, starting out handed already difficult goals, all or nothing duality, and then having the goalposts moved, it's simply easier to perceive myself as a failure when in fact I am a failure in some respects and profoundly successful in others? (Not to mention how there's this monolithic idea of failure as this world crushing thing rather than something that occasionally just happens.)
addendum, this middle of night thought connects to realizing that really uncomfortable stuff (and aging while being poor, working jobs I hate, etc are uncomfortable) *can* mean nothing more than itself, but opens me up to all sorts of negative pattern-matching.