More serious, mh - 

Meanwhile; most of my time goes to a job I dislike for people I’m neutral about, for what feels like not enough money for landlords’ and others’ greed. I’m slowly improving my art but there’s AI, constant hustling, far better artists and costs which preclude ever doing it FT. Cons, therapy, capoeira and dating seem out of reach; the threat of Covid and far right government is omnipresent, it feels like just time, now. Car’s in the shop, the hardest time of year lies ahead.

More serious, mh - 

Especially in former Northgate Mall - site of a few memories and now largely a big hole in the ground plus sports complex- melancholy is REAL easy to come by. I don’t want to suicide (I probably want to transition) but even in the sunlight, it’s uncomfy.

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More serious, mh - 

And I know; “you’re coyote, you’ll adapt. You always do.” But “I can change with this situation and find joy” *is* coterminous with “I feel lost and sad.”

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