Mh journaling
This year was the huge realization that stuff that’s unpleasant and uncomfortable, stripped of childhood associations and self hate, are still unpleasant and uncomfortable. That’s why I *have* those childhood associations and self hate; terrible experiences with no recovery time left me vulnerable, and then *anything* negative anyone told me (which is itself another unpleasant, uncomfortable thing with no recovery time!) was something I accepted as indisputable dogma.
Mh journaling
Looking back it’s understandable but also a bit shocking that I lost years, opportunities and joy, all thanks to stuff that was total bullshit but which just hit home one thing after another.
Usually when low on sleep and blood sugar. Compounded by PTSD messages ability being stuck, trapped and treading water. Compounded by whatever weir way my brain works; I think okay *slowly* figuring stuff out on paper, but not so very when someone expects me to be a genius right now on command.
