It takes a while for neurochemicals to clear from my brain, and consequently if I get hit frequently or intensely enough, I just won't have resources to defuse negative feelings. Worse, because my brain picks up on similarities between situations and thinks of terrible scenarios to try to avoid them, I can easily make my own situation worse by adding more to the pile of anxieties and upsets. Which in turn means more time that I'm more open to anxiety and upset, it can cycle worse and worse.

And it was this way for years and years, so there's an element of familiarity to push back against as well. And this is before we even start talking about all the self hate I had for years on top of this as a way of distracting me, explaining the situation with something familiar and stuff I'd been told, and directing anger inwards where it'd be harder to spot.

So easy to get caught up in feedback loops which play right into where I literally have brain damage from trauma, way more than what's actually going on and where my situation now isn't as bad.