Okay so; Reign of Fire. Dragons are roused from their long slumber deep in the earth (the Brits delved too deep trying to make a new Tube station or w/e), reducing humanity to small pockets of grim survivors.

Not the dumbest movie I’ve watched, especially on the couch, with my friend, and drinking.

We meet a community in north England, former urbanites now farming in secret, ever fearful of the dark forms that soar above them. This is actually great stuff. AND THEN AMERICANS SHOW UP. And not just any Americans, they’re an elite heavily armed military team of dragonslayers led by a bald goateed badass, burning a LOT of fuel (the farmers’ resentment of this IS a plot point) to take down th’ enemy and get claw trophies HOOAH.

Sometime after the movie’s radically changed course I’m buzzed, and start talking over the Americans only, because let’s face it, all their dialogue is the same super macho bullshit. “Mah TRUCK! MAH TRUCK! MAH truck! GUNS!” Pretty soon my friend’s doing it too. “Mah TRUCK! AM RADIO. JESUS. TRUCK!”

Eventually two remaining Brits and the bald goatee badass travel to post apocalyptic London to kill the only male dragon, vital to the species reproduction and survival. After some urbex and pointless action sequences the hero succeeds and conveniently saves the UK and civilization.

Before the final pointless action sequence, bald goatee badass Sparta-launches himself off a ruin trying to embed a fire axe in the one male dragon’s head. This doesn’t work btw. Both of us overdub his last desperate cry of “TRUUUUUUUUUCK!”

End of story, thanks for putting up with it.