grumble grumble grumble I’M HAVING GENDER THOUGHTS!
grumble grumble grumble
What kind of gender thoughts?
@StormyDragon @Leucrotta sorta typical; I wish I were a pretty girl (fine on its own) but that gets into how it’s specious for me to link gender to appearance.
I’ve been so completely trained I’m ugly I could look like Tilda Swinton or Tori Amos and never see myself as pretty; making myself pretty or accepting I can have prettiness while being ugly in other respects, gets into questioning worthiness (and, whether others will see me as “deserving” prettiness, womanhood or both). 🧵
@StormyDragon @Leucrotta So gender, body image, self worth and safety, theoretically only tangentially connected, wind up as a complex tangle. Add in practical considerations (I have to play boy for my parents and employers, so THAT’S a resented externally imposed identity even if I’m 100% male; how could I afford HRT, when could I try out women’s clothes or pronouns, etc) and “I wish I could look pretty in a skirt like that” quickly becomes overwhelming, if that makes sense? ✂️
I'm sorry you're trapped in a place where you can't safely explore your true self and figure out what you want... I hope that you find yourself to a place where you can sooner rather than later. 
@StormyDragon @Leucrotta (oh yeah and though this didn’t surface today, gender also connects to sex, which is another convoluted heap of issues for me. NOT easy topics.)