Right now I have;

* job loss, cost of living etc telling me that my survival hinges on someone who doesn't and can't really know me deciding that I am a valuable, worthwhile person

* my connection to my parents which is rooted in being what they consider valuable and good, rather than any informed idea of who I actually am

* political stuff which heavily implies that all people like me are monsters playing on easy mode who should be exterminated without regret

All of these really call out my childhood thinking in which I wanted to be the best in every possible respect so I could be considered worthwhile enough to be safe, and where I felt goals would always be moved to ensure that I could be safely dismissed as worthless and bad and therefore punishable.