Watching incredible musicians on YouTube, listening to music that is intricately and skillfully crafted, I am struck with a sadness that I have pretty much given up on that dream so that I can focus solely on visual art and due to limited spoons and general discouragement.

I rarely play much now. And I never learn new things or really practice. I feel like I’ve lost something important that I can never make up for, because I don’t have the focus or energy to invest in music anymore.

I also feel like I’ll never be good enough at visual art to matter anyway, so even that excuse feels bad.

I don’t need to be famous or anything at what I do. I’d rather master a craft and have no one know honestly. I just want to feel like what I’ve done has had some purpose or meaning to me.

Depression robs that purpose and meaning, leaving nothing.