really I'm noticing how much I assume things WILL become hostile at any moment rather than that they CAN become hostile
@amaranth related, and now sober, I'm noticing how everything in childhood was deadly serious. Anything like a talent or aptitude was to be a potential profession or a direction in school, some stuff which wasn't as obvious was still vital to proving one's worth somehow. The idea of doing something obviously practical (cooking, non English language, art) WITHOUT it being some potentially big focused use was as weird and anathema as something obviously impractical (painting models).
@Leucrotta PTSD all night all night