I finally figured out more about my feelings with what's about to happen.

Theoretically as an anarchist I believe in communities on a small scale but don't expect people necessarily do the right thing on a big, even statewide scale - let alone nationwide.

So why is it still getting to me that these ASSHOLES voted for what they KNOW is going to be a bigoted anti-environment fundie kleptocracy, that they basically signed a death warrant for a whole lot of people and, because we don't know what the next disaster will be which the incoming Administration will mishandle, we don't know who's going to die in this thing; the straightest cis-male WASP is only slightly safer than a wheelchair bound trans Black woman. I don't think I am very likely to survive the next 4 years, but I think Trump will, I think Musk will, I think all these nauseating little pissants will.

And it FINALLY OCCURS TO ME, that's GRIEF. Cycling "I can't believe this horrifying event happened with more to come," "fuck these shit deciding that we can now die instead of actually getting prosperity," "there's gotta be a way to get through this shitty situation," "This saps my will to live" are ALL STAGES OF GRIEF.

I mean, it doesn't help that much but at least now my reaction's understandable to me.