Stop, back up, review the basics (uspol, note to self)
1) they are doing this as an intentional, abusive tactic
2) its success hinges on me forgetting I have any future beyond their abuse
3) a different future can exist predicated on how I survived previous abuse, and they don't completely control my present either
4) my understanding that I'm in no way to blame for, or deserving of, their abuse has improved over the last few years