In general I've been realizing that if I feel that profoundly negative almost assuredly there's something that reminds me of childhood.

I've been so pissed off at this Administration, I've felt really out of control, so completely caught up in anger. And sure enough, how they're sort of the same conservative Christians that dominated childhood, the idea that the authority and the good kids should be able to do anything and will be right and there's literally nothing you can do, that's childhood.

But then much earlier I'd realized that self-hate was trying to push down being angry into myself where nobody else could see it and punish me for it, and then this spiral of believing I'm a horrible person. So that white-hot anger, that's something I was feeling on a regular basis, directing inwards on a regular basis, for YEARS, for a fucking decade or more.

I'm uh. Amazed I'm still moving.