Current mood; realizing my crap body image reflects both past indoctrination (that I’m ugly) and gender dysphoria overlapping that I’m not DOING what I want as well as I’m not ACTING as I want. Not only can’t I present as a pretty girl, not only have I learned being this pissed off and bored aren’t appropriate pretty girl emotions, but I’m supposed to be a replaceable drone, so male; the idea of being a pretty boy has been set off limits to me.