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Some of the staggering doofy stuff, an essay;
UMBER HULKS. Towering subterranean bug-people with powerful mandibles is a pretty cool monster concept right? But they also can confuse you if you look into their ocelli. Like... why would they stop and confuse people? It’s like vanilla icing on a taco.
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DIRE CORBIES. The origins of why subterranean flightless anthro crows would have unicorn horns and yell DOOM are lost to history. They’re the dire corbies, they’re here to yell DOOM or yell DOOM and they’re fresh out of yelling DOOM.
LAVA CHILDREN. An elemental hybrid built like a brick of muscle is a solid concept. They get mentioned purely because Russ Nicholson, whose art is usually gritty and dark, decided the entire species looked like Alfred E Neuman.
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KRENSHAR. Sort of a lion-hyena pack hunter which scares the bejeebers out of you by rolling fur and skin back to bare their skull at you while screaming. Evolutionarily this makes no sense but you have to admit it looks fuckin’ ace!
BONECLAW. Undead with huge claws, except now they can extend their arms out over half the room and hit you. Sheer D&D awesometude right there!
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DUERGAR. The gray dwarves are grim enemies of dwarf-kind - and everyone else, because their bleak lives hold naught beyond warfare, torture, fungus beer, spider rides and brutalist architecture.
Awesome. But 4e made them REALLY DOOFY.
D&D has these nasty bearded devils- they scratch victims with Brillo pad like beards. A Duergar/bearded devil is a terrible foe. In 4e Duergar all have this fiendish heritage so they SHOOT THEIR BEARD HAIR AT YOU.
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FLAIL SNAIL. It’s a snail with mace heads where snails carry their sensory apparatus and they hit adventurers with ‘em, kerPOW!
HOAR FOX. There is actually nothing particularly terrible about this gorgeous animal which freezes your PC with its minty fresh breath. Except the name. If you play D&D with furries and face a hoar fox, expect the game to stall for 20-30 minutes of jokes about vulpine stereotypes. Sheesh.
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TAKO. Instead of “an octopus,” D&D yields “a cyclopean land-going octopus which can wield weapons in all eight arms.”
FLUMPF. A good aligned flying jellyfish which is helpless when flipped over and which sprays opponents with gastric acid.
DRACOLISK. Idk how a dragon and a basilisk safely interact enough to have kids, outside Tapestries, but when they do, it makes dracolisks. It’s like the parents hooked up entirely in hopes the kids would kill PCs someday.
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This concludes today’s jaunt into “awesome yet goofy monsters.”
BONUS MENTION: KISHI. Angolan folk monsters, Kishi don’t show up in D&D or movies and they probably should. Up front they’re a staggeringly handsome dude, but turn the head around, and they have a hyena head which eats you. Badass!
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MAEDAR. Ever wonder what a *guy* Medusa is like? D&D has your answer; golden-skinned Yul Brynner. When a medusa turns your PC to stone her maedar boyfriend (nice gender essentialism y’got there) PUNCHES the statue back into big blocks of meat.
VARGOUILLE. This is a really nasty flying head. If it bites your PC, their head will become a flying monster and flap away on its ears.