mh, abuse history
So you know how I grew up around catastrophizing, where there just weren’t minor mistakes and everything could be punished disproportionately? And how that stacked badly with a disastrous childhood accident which had this implication of being “punished disproportionately”?
And how I spent 2017 in an abusive company which did a lot of catastrophizing?
And how I’ve been grinding on how there’s actually nuance to my world, for instance how not all mistakes are dire calamities?
mh, abuse history
Today I am working to correct a (single) inputting mistake I made in early April - including trying to step away from beating myself up about being an innately inept fuck-up with no future, whose death would be better for everyone etc.
Being more aware and trying to retain perspective is definitely progress, but I still feel wrecked. I definitely think the open office setting aggravates my issues and that working at NTS really pushed back my progress about catastrophizing.
