Adept (Magenta Forge) @MagentaForge@awoo.space

We use very precise magical terminology in THIS house, which is why my little red book currently has the phrases "skills and labor axis" and "giving a shit axis" for describing a personal cosmology. *Sagenod*

Next time I'll just write the damn novel x3

Anyway, I believe I've exploded your timelines enough for tonight. I thought it was important to get some of my thoughts out there.

Thank you for your time!
You are a good. Yes, you.

It's not the whole of my practice, of course. There's work involving emotional states and pathos. Selena in particular is suited to that task. There's the whole tarot practice as well.

There's some notion that the work must both have internal components, but affect the outside world. Perhaps through behavior in the form of basing the foundations in particular virtues or values.

I study further, and continue to explore what it means to be me.

I could go on. There seems to be some notion of knowledge and the empowerment through it as sacred, intrinsically valuable, personally resonant. I haven't even gotten into the themes present in Andromeda's character narrative which also run with the same colours.

What it 'means', I'm not all the way there yet. But the angles of fixation are increasingly obvious the more I do foundational Work.

How, when studying the history of tarot cards, I sidetrack into thoughts about the printing press, and rather than seeing it as evil intrusive industralization, I regard the proliferation of knowledge and literacy to the masses and breaking the elite's monopoly on such as being a borderline sacred act.

The fact that I associate with a student archetype so much that I'm giving -myself- assignments.

Even my dabbling in technomancy as part of my exploration.

My attempts to lay a foundation are still frought, but some signal is starting to come through in the noise.

My fixation on the suit of swords in tarot, particularly the court cards.

How I glow when @KoBunny tells me I'm aligned with the element of air, intellect and reason.

How the tale of Odin crucifying himself on Yggdrasil to learn the secrets of rune magic fascinates me.

How I frame my own secularism as personal truth at the cost of comfort. A choice.

On the side of internal entity work, I presently have two 'advisors', constructed (from my psychologicalist perspective; YMMV on whether they're constructed) internal characters whom I can both bounce conversations off of and assume the role of for the purposes of doing Work; entering states of mind and reframing problems I'm working on. Their names are Selena and Andromeda.

A lot of the work I've been doing thus far has been internal entity work, glyph work, and refining elements of practice. Along the way, I've had to examine, re-examine, and interrogate my base views of reality in a way that, while difficult, has also been refreshingly honest. Nothing like putting your beliefs in a crucible to see what comes out strongest.

It occurs to me that I haven't talked much about my actual practice so much as the /status/ of my practice on here, initially because everything was very early and rudimentary and not fully formed. I believe enough of the contours of my practice are defined now that I can feel comfortable starting to talk in more depth about the work I've been doing.

@MagentaForge
Seriously though, every time this happens I actually come out a bit clearer headed and with a magick system that's slightly more stable and in line with my core beliefs.

I used the metaphor of a forge for this account, but a crucible would also have been appropriate.

Adept's questioning everything and deconstructing her woo system again? Must be Thursday.

TFW you find yourself baking fish for ritual because otters.

I've been toying with the idea of either asking my Magister and possibly a few select practitioners in our community to give me assignments, or assigning myself them, in the form of formal study and reporting. Part of learning has been learning that something's only 'wrong' if it doesn't work for me; this, I suspect, may work for me.

I've decided to task myself with a written report on the history of tarot, as an experiment with this vehicle of study. Two pages, end of month.

Something becoming more clear to me is how themes and narratives resonate in other people's systems. Some of the best systems I've seen at work do this:

One is about relationships to the world around them, and being grateful.

One is about guardianship, being a den mother, a protector.

One of them is about transformation and self actualization.

One of them is about sacrifice, a calling, necessity.

Chewing on these thoughts. Trying to figure out what my story is.

That said, after the scare I had recently, it became a marker of a new period of deconstruction and re-examination.

Part of this involved purging everything and going back to first principles. Reassert the handrails.

After a few hours, one aspect of my internal work did come back. I haven't talked about my character 'Selena' yet, but suffice to say, she came swimming back. I'm very glad.

We'll rebuild, with a better eye on underlying values.

All is well 💙

I tear down, I rebuild, I tear down, I rebuild again.

I've avoided talking about some of the internal work I've been doing just because it's seen so much flux, and also because I know tulpamantic / character-based internal work tends to be irritating to read from the outside.

"Who is this person and why should I care," etc, and a sense of "I hope this person talking about other selves is approaching this from a healthy angle, and not a devil-made-me-do-it one."

I've had a conversation with my teacher about these things. Mood considerably stabilised, and it's given way to deeper and more thoughtful foundational work.

@MagentaForge
A little calmer now. Still awake. More foundational work needs to be done. Boundaries need to be set.