Maelstrom (- - -)
Isolation has been tenuous, but working. As much as I find it the absolute best answer, it is difficult to maintain.
Confusion is perpetual now. I can drift through existence satisfying the requirements of othrocosmic demand, but in the background there is too much to comprehend. External conflicts, political and social, abound in the spheres I once called home. And yet in the othrocosom, it is business as usual.
I must face the idea that I have secluded myself into a bubble - That I have delved into an echo chamber of my choosing. That I have allowed that to warp and shape my perceptions. There are so many thing lately that, at first glance, make me sad, terrified, or outraged. So many things that feel evil or wrong on a common sense level. Are these reactions merely the result of me allowing myself to be warped? Are these emotions the consequences of my choosing a hole and sticking myself in it, merely because I liked the words I heard there? How am I any different than the grandmother who binged FOX News all day?
I must confront the fact that many 'truths' of my existence are likely fictions I allowed myself to believe. I must accept that, regardless of whether or those truths are actually factual, regardless of whether or not they are righteous and just, that I must also survive.
I must face the fact that it's time to kowtow to the orthocosom, leave my flawed ideals behind, and become more reasonable about the fact that those in power are in power for a reason and must be respected. I must understand that defying this will have consequences, and that I should not expect to evade them. Removal from the echo chambers and undoing the insidious thinking that I have eagerly lapped up is necessary if I desire survival.
Leaving the orthocosom feels like a grand option, but I am too cowardly to do so.
As an aside, when I have broken my isolation to delve into this with anyone, it is usually met with silence. Silence seems to be my best friend, I will embrace it. The pleasantries and responsibilities of orthocosmic reality are all that matters now.
I feel I owe an apology to someone. Perhaps everyone. Or perhaps I'm wrong.
Confusion has not lessened.
Maelstrom (- - -)
@Phorm *Gentle hugs* If immersion in the metacosm isn't a solution, immersion in the orthocosm is just as extreme a solution - and will not likely be any more sustainable in the long term, hon.
Please, don't cut us all off completely if you have to swing the pendulum back for a time. Maintain some threads of contact.
You will always be welcome.
