I'm just having to accept that part of my dysphoria is a pre-existing sort of hormonal issue.
If I'm up and active and working and feeling secure in my Job, and feeling muscle growth and all that, I end up psychologically reinforced in all the things I Value about masculine existence.

But for three weeks Kerithe has been more or less excluded from occupying the meatsuit, because she can't deal with the physical sensation.

She likes the body better when we're calm, and quiet and doing focused, careful work. She wants to try Estrogen and make some changes to our lifestyle so she can be more comfortable being Soft and sensitive and considerate and sedate when she needs or wants to be.

So it's made me really re-examine why I feel the way I do about mainstream human gender, because I value stuff about myself that's a Contradiction from the Binary viewpoint, but makes for a much more Whole person when that need for definition and exclusion is taken away.

I never felt like my body ever really Decided on male or female going thru puberty. My desires swing all over the place based on how I'm feeling, and follow trends. I know what the hell I am, but there's no polite word for it in English.
Zwitter comes close, in German.

I'm not about to appropriate the Two-Souls thing because we're really Three in here.

And, like... It's hard to consider yourself Trans when you were sorta this way in the First place, and Puberty/Society dropped the ball.

For me, Being Trans... Was the last fifteen years of my Life. I was trying Really hard to pass as a normal cishet engineer boy, and did everything I could to do that and retain my principles and soul. It was a mistake to try and Be a specific thing to fit in.
To get respect.
To get a feeling of Belonging.

I was always a hermaphrodite, something that was Both things and neither of those things. A slur for everyone else, but an identity for Me.