Here is the song I worked on today.
I think it is self-explanatory.
"I'm Sorry"
Sabby: What I tried to catch, is how my brain goes into apology overdrive, when I'm in a bad state.
It speeds up more and more, until everything breaks and if there is not someone else, like Maxine, then it just gets worse and worse.
I hope it conveys in the song.
@Motodrachen It wouldn't surprise me at all, considering my history and I'm the one stuck with our mania and generally the more creative/emotional one, stuck in a world that disvalues both.
@Motodrachen I know that my stuff is good. Just that is likely where the fear of rejection comes from.
And I like being the domme I want to see in the world.
Just not when I'm breaking apart.
@Motodrachen I wish I could.
That would be nice for a change, but instead I have to use myself up to pretend I would want something I don't want, so I keep the bread crumbs they do "generously" give me.
@sabby A Trick Yaori used to fast-forward her way through an alternate childhood and grow up without Trauma is that she used Dream-space, the subconscious, the upside-down and the Back-to-front spaces to do all her work.
Because she has console commands and speedrun techniques that let her no-clip through walls and stuff. But if she can do it, you can too.
Plenty of brainmeat to run your code on, and most of it isn't the Thinking brain.
@Motodrachen Also sorry for being negative and implying your solution wouldn't be real.
We just hurt a lot right now and finally there is a possible permanent solution.
Just need to have it working.
@Motodrachen I think what we rather need is a real solution.
Luckily there is something.
It's not great. Actually it is just a little more than I get right now.
But it would mean I could stop pretending and finally rest.
Then I just have to find a way out of this household and getting my own, so that I can truly heal for once.