getting personal and weird
I don’t like to admit it to myself, but, I hope people think I’m smart. I hope they don’t hear my goofy emotional voice and how I stutter and have a hard time getting words out and think I’m slow or even average. I think a lot, I think constantly, I have pretty strong convictions despite my impulses to please and/or flea the situation, and I hope desperately people see that more than my huge unlogical FEAR
getting personal and weird
AND AT THE SAME TIME!! I KNOW if I get too confident about this idea, of being smart, people reject me. They don’t like it when I use longer words, they think I’m trying to put on airs (totally understandable), some weird hidden contempt in my soul reveals itself?? I can never remember if elementary school kids bullied me because I acted like a smug little asshole or if I acted like that because they bullied me and I was frustrated. I know it’s big problems regardless
re: getting personal and weird
@Motodrachen The hidden contempt in my soul revealing itself part?? Because that’s the part I’m most concerned about smothering as soon as possible. I really hope that’s not an autism thing