Cabinet Derg @Motodrachen@awoo.space

I'm actually really feeling a lot better lately, having a Place to just Be without feeling like I need to adhere to a Role or person or presentation has been a big help.
So thanks to everyone here, you're all great!

It feels really weird still figuring out my own gender and sexuality, but having answers for a bunch of my friends. Like, digging for my own truth unearthed a bunch of stuff that wasn't helping Me, but ended up being vital quest info for others.

When you work in a machine shop, the parameters are such that you can only be so Femme before it's actually a safety violation. XD long hair, jewelry and anything light and flowing can get you hurt bad if they get snagged by machines.

That being said, it lowers the bar a Lot for actually Feeling feminine. In here, I'm queen bitch

Genderfluid problems: you're planning on swapping a truck engine this weekend, but you really want to paint your nails tonight

I watched about half that counterpoint video on Incels and could take no more.

I have no idea where I fit on Their weird gender spectrum but it's probably along the lines the way fundies think about Satan worshipping cultists.

*Roomie dragon sends me a video of a graphics card teardown*
*Instantly has flashbacks to surface mount soldering circuit boards for Lockheed Martin under a microscope to class 3 by HAND*

...Do you have any idea how fucking hard those fine pitch chips are to do by Hand?

Like, seriously. When your mom tells you at fourteen that you're the spiritual bridge between the masculine and the sacred feminine, it can really mess up your exploration of your own identity.

Because it's starting to become blatantly obvious to me she was Right, and it's really irritating.

My problem is that my Given gender is different from my legally assigned gender which is different from my presentation.

Ironically my given gender and sexuality match up well. Now to get my presentation to reflect that.

I kinda need to know because Aspergers and social anxiety. I'm at home being casually sexual or flirty but Uh... When you're at that point in your life, you're susceptible to a lot of programming and suggestion, especially the unintended kind.

Also, uh... I'm gonna be 33 this year. I'm still basically living like the majority of my 20something friends though, and I know I'll never feel like a real adult until all the boomers are retired or dead.

But at the same time I'll check someone's Bio page here after a horny toot, and be confronted with the prospect of dealing with horny 18 and 19 year olds.
And I remember being a horny teen furry. How... where precisely is the line between Supportive and Creep?

Though TBH, after seeing the changes in the bodies of my friends, and comparing what's happened to me over the same timeframe...
They redecorated and moved the living room around.
I lost three guest bedrooms and the second parlor in a Fire, and I'm still fixing the structural damage.

Maybe when I'm done, I'll consider some remodeling. Those changes will be, uh, easy to adapt to compared to sudden, massive weight loss.

And the bits of masculinity I do still carry around are the ones that the Women around me like. I mean, I like them too, but again, it's from something of a feminine perspective.

I just get really conflicted and self-conscious because Binary existence is uncomfortable. I'm not a Man, and in all the ways I want to be a woman, I already Am, so for a long time I had issues with Trans content and the emphasis on the binary.

I wear kilts and hawaiian shirts because apparently you can go around in public in a skirt and floral blouse and catch Zero shit as long as they've got the little social clue to them that says "Yes, flying in the face of everything your brain might be telling you, the person in front of you is technically Male"
Same way with the purse. It was a gift, it's tan canvas, and has a pressed leather medallion on the flap with a spartan helmet insignia. I carry it every damn day.

I also feel that through my life I always enjoyed the feminized versions of the stuff most guys like.
Not into Firearms, into Airguns
No thank you on the Harley, I'm a Moped Witch.
Not a fan of first person shooters or aggressive zero sum sports or games, co-operative PVE and city sims were my bag.

Big tits and rough sex? No, I kinda just wanna snuggle with a big girl and watch The Last Unicorn.

And considering all this, my relationship with the horndog transman last year left me... Uh, really confused.
He had previously identified as a Lesbian, and latched onto me like I was heroin coated candy. And he made me feel really... uncomfortable with his hard binary definitions.
He considered himself a gay transman, and was really Really assertive about the Gay part. Which was okay, until it came to My gender presentation and identity.

One of the defining things about my sexuality and my preferences for encounters is that I'm only Male on request. I'm an active top, but with just about everything but my cock by preference.
I'm much Much more comfortable being with AFAB people sexually as... Well, a lesbian.
My erogenous zones and sexual responses are decidedly feminine, and my bits work just fine, but the size is... Variable. Plus, I really Really have to work at climax while topping, even bareback. :/

Gender of the day: Faulty Flesh Vessel