Cabinet Derg @Motodrachen@awoo.space

Because I'm on the autism spectrum, some of my senses can overwhelm me and etch some deep scratches in my psyche.
Sometimes it's Wonderful. I've had some associations with a person's Smell so powerful that just being close to them can send me into a melty, sobbing puddle.
And my attraction to Men is almost entirely dependent on their smell. I can't explain it, some men just smell Wrong for me.

One of my biggest problems is that I'm not Trans.
Well, Sorta.
My assigned gender growing up was Hermaphrodite. Like, recognized in my family, no big deal, and it's my natural vibe. I wasn't one of the Boys.
But I had decided I was gonna be an engineer, so I had to pretend really hard at "Man" through my 20s and it sucked.
So, uh... I feel kinda odd, my experience is Inverted compared to everyone who grew up Catholic...

*wears kilt all summer, nobody notices*
*Pumpkin spice season starts*

Randos: hey, you're wearing a kilt! Hope you're wearing underwear!

Hahaha no.

@budgiebin@snouts.online braided my hair! it's so pretty!

I'm in the mood to get one of my friends high on hash oil and couch lock them on my Sumolounge.
Then go full tentacle dragon, touching and teasing and nudging and whispering affirmations of their undisclosed desires into their ear.

And when they can't take any more, switch right over to Iron Dragon, and toy with them till they can't move for an entirely different reason.

And only use my hands and voice. Well, and Silicone Lube. But that's a must for any contact~

I remember a co-worker listening to country radio and jabbing at me asking if I was a "Country Girl".

And, uh, he didn't know about me, to him I'm just a dude.
And keri jumps right up and tells him "Well, I drove a Tractor before I ever drove a Car, and I get invited to the lesbian sleepovers, so, I think I qualify"

Shut him right the fuck up.

Baphomet's Pentagram: A sex ritual involving two men, one woman, a trans man, a trans woman, 5 Bad Dragon Toys and three hours of giggling before everyone can get their shit together and actually commit to doing anything because they're too busy Memeing.

Follows transgirls on Tumblr: Here's the furry art and programming stuff I do! I'm in a polycule household with twelve queer housemates in the Seattle area!
Follows Transboys on Tumblr: DICKS! BEARS! CUM! BODY HAIR! GAINS! GAY! BREED ME!

Male headspace, sorting reamers at work, waiting for lexan to come in:
"Hmmmm. I need some bigger tits."

So, I have a look now. I look Good. I love the way I look.
I could give you a precision co-ordinate on my preferred gender, and give some references for Scale.
I even know what I want to do Medically.
It's that... Uh, What I Am hasn't been around for a while. Think Bapomet, Greek hermaphrodites, Kwizatch-Haderach.

So I have huge issues with anything that makes things socially awkward for others, or makes interacting with me a cumbersome process.
It took me a long while just to figure out How I wanted to present, after I realized there was anything Worth presentation.
Up till last year, clothes were meant to cover up and be comfortably loose.
Nobody really notices when you're Fat and androgynous, you're just Fat.

Like, I didn't Come Out as anything until it was Totally safe. And I don't mean Queer, I mean like, Being a Rush Fan. Queer was off the table entirely growing up, not because of specific phobias...
But because my whole social group were competitive Males, Any insecurity was fair game to be Poked with creative cruelties.

I was such a socially awkward, burdensome person, and everyone was Tolerating me being there, because I was a fat soft nerd.

I'm having huge amounts of dysmorphia lately. I've been trying to take better care of my body because I'm having to do tons of physical work and I've been sick as hell.
But I was never the skinny person I see in the mirror. I've had to dismantle huge parts of my psyche that were built while I was learning to be social, because they're all still set up to keep a fat, awkward kid Alive, not help a graceful, attractive adult feel comfortable.

There are whole days where I'll go through my personal inventories and come up with a 404 error under the Gender column. Like... I dunno? Null?

I'll still end up responding to folks as Their preferred gender for me, but it's like I'm just not feelin it any which a way.

I suspect it's my seasonal affective disorder kicking in. >_<