Cabinet Derg @Motodrachen@awoo.space

Dream job: running a summer camp for Queer Teens so they can come back home to their parents equipped with the knowledge of the adult world, and the ability to see a life for themselves outside a traditional american family structure.

I kinda want to be a Professor X to a whole generation of new superheros.

I want to have one of my friends over, shower with them, rub them down with their favorite lotion or body butter, and spend a naked afternoon eating from a cheese board and watching Youtube trash.

Just touching and giggling and getting each other casually aroused and pleasured. Snuggling up to someone who's desperately horny and ready to boil over is almost more delightful than full on sex.

2011/2018

Gender of the Day: ​ Frank Zappa's "Dirty Love" ​

Gender of the day: Avenged Sevenfold's "The Beast and the Harlot"

That feel when you're okay with He/Him pronouns, just not with the whole 'Being treated like a guy' thing.

And knowing that there's a whole class of Men who will treat you like that no matter what you say, do, or require of them.

I identify as a Dragon because most of the Humans I meet act like I'm an existential threat and wanna get rid of me by any means necessary.

Max Johnson and the Non-Binary Penis.

Gender of the day: Whatever I can scrape together that doesn't feel like shit.

So in a Very practical context, I'm not Male. I'm not into Sports, not into Violence, not into Competition.

It's all a stand-in for War. It's all a massive re-branding to encourage a whole section of the population into thinking Violence is okay. Oh! But if you respond in Kind, they have no idea what to do.

If I want to hurt them emotionally in response, they get all defensive, and act like I'm acting out of line. I could tear them down with their own insecurities, rip them apart psychologically over the course of Weeks or Months.
I could snap at them and ask them how often they hug their kids, or how often someone else says the words "I love you' to them.

I could ask them if their Money and Power were worth being emotionally castrated, and how many years till the inevitable Divorce with their wife. I could laugh, and say that I have not just a wife of over a Decade, but multiple girlfriends and boyfriends who love me for who I am.

But nooooo. That's all off limits. That's shooting to Kill. They don't know how to deal with That kind of violence, so it's supposed to be off the table, because Yeah...

It Hurts when the core of yourself is called into question. It Hurts when someone else decides you're Less Human than They are because they have something You Don't. It fucking Hurts when your sexuality and lifestyle are made fun of. And no...

I won't try and cover it up by say I was only Kidding. Oooh, big sin right there. Yeah, I Meant those things, what are you gonna do about it besides punch my teeth out?

Like... I've tried really hard not to rock the boat or behave inappropriately for 'Guys' for around fifteen years now to avoid ridicule and trauma.

I'm fucking sick of it. I'm not the 'Man Up' type. I'm pretty strong, but I can't just shrug off harshness or Alpha Male behavior in others, it fucking Bothers me.

I hate when another man I have to be around acts all upset that I'm sensitive and kinda soft inside. Because I'm That Way because I hate being like Them.

I hate being a ragemonster, I hate hurting other people's feelings, I hate getting angry at people. I snap and just want to hurt people Physically the same way they've been hurting me Emotionally.

Violence is Awful, and I'm always angry when someone acts like emotional violence is just a Joke, or the Way They Are.

The way I am? I'm the one who will seriously explode if you keep hurting me. They always act bewildered when I explode, too. Like they had No Idea they were hurting me.

That feel when you're reminded yet again that you're not Really male by an abusive person in your life.

Gee, Thanks. Like I don't have enough problems, now I don't feel like I can pass as a Guy anymore. Or really anything.

Pro: You've got a backup personality after something that would have caused major ego death and deep depression in a single individual.

Con: You still have to experience the entire range of awful emotion and from multiple points of view.

So, this week in the life of a dragon, I interviewed, got hired, had two days of panic attack and left a new job at a machine shop that was run by the machinist equivalent of Gordon Ramsey.

Trying really really hard to feel better about myself and my life.

Aluminum Golem. #substitutegolems

Well, that job didn't work out.

Thankfully, only 33% of me is in need of a complete rebuild.