Cabinet Derg @Motodrachen@awoo.space

the true chosen ones

Immortals with non-combat occupations.

An immortal bookshop owner, with original editions of Beowulf and 1001 Nights.

An immortal painter who was distraught when the world forgot how to make Egyptian Blue and was delighted when scientists re-learned what it was made from.

An immortal gardener with a greenhouse full of extinct cultivars.

An immortal chef who can make any recipe from the Kitab al-Tabikh.

Reminding myself that I'm doing much better mentally than I used to be.

And that it's a common long term side effect of a BAD mental health time to have those thoughts still run into your mind at structured times.

It's common for the brain, while in a horrific place, to overwrite neural paths to change how you react to stimulus. Most of this is to protect you and is a defensive manuver, but some is just useless. Like .... I feel worthless and think about how useless I am everytime I start to fall asleep, among other.... Darker.... Things.

I don't like this, but literally the second I turn off my lights, I get self depreciating.

I am healing. And that includes fixing those neural paths.

It takes time to rewrite your brain. And you need to be patient. It's completely normal and doesn't mean that you're back in that bad place. As long as you remember it's a learned reaction or habit that just hasn't been kicked yet.

I will one day not slide into depression as soon as I go to bed.

And I know I'm not still in that deep place

So I'll be okay.

They will never test enough. They will never care enough.

Most political history taught today can be summed up with the phrase "These white men are dangerous."

And they keep clawing over themselves, keeling themselves, each other, and everyone else to prove it, like we don't believe it.

I'm tired. They all should lick each other's asses and die.

• remember Netscape Navigator

• ever used any modem with a bandwidth of 28,8 or lower

• had an Early Adopter account on Livejournal

• witnessed the rise and fall of PhPBB

• witnessed the rise and fall of Napster

• used the web before Google existed

• ever used a dialup BBS site

• remember Gopher

• ever downloaded music as .mod files

• remember when about 90% of the web was made up of personal sites which were "under construction" and had pictures of people's cats on them

• remember when Yahoo was literally just a big list of websites

• know IRC commands

• have heard anyone unironically use the phrase "information superhighway"

• can recognise different bandwidth modems by what bleepy handshake sound they make

• have ever received one of those chain e-mails where you have to scroll through about a kilometre of forwarded headers only to find a "hilarious" vaguely lewd image and/or a banal list like this one

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So like, you know how pyramid schemes are just blatant scams and universally acknowledged as bad, right? Well...

doctors be like: you are woman. i diagnose you with woman (borderline personality disorder)

And a couple more things from sketchbook files, including an unfinished self-portrait working over a photo of a naked lady I liked. Sometimes I just wanna draw naked pictures of my fursona that reflect Actual Ladycock Proportions.