DATA UPLINK ACQUIRED @Nine@awoo.space

Please please get help if you can, however that is done. Self help through approved channels, talking with a support group be that close friends or an actual group set up by people, a doctor or specialist, yoga, whatever helps. Just don't... Please do not do what I've done and just internalise and push it all to the back of my mind.

It will destroy you. I wouldn't wish "just getting over it" on anybody. It's soul crushing.

Here's possibly a tip. Take with grain of salt or 60.

Do not attempt to brute force your way through mental health issues. It is an absolutely terrible idea. I have tried.

I'm not sure how I'm still alive but I'm definitely not functional. I feel like a machine going through motions. I'm not equipped to diagnose myself properly or explain my symptoms because i keep instinctually writing it off as "just making a big deal out of nothing and just wasting everyone's time".

No I don't"think" I need to see someone about this. I DO need to see someone. That's not an opinion that's a fact. I'm a mess and this isn't going to get better just trying to brute force my way through it.

... Well shit.

Apparently some of the symptoms I had today aren't labyrinthitis.

They're a panic attack, causing hyperventilation. Which might well have been triggered by the vertigo from labyrinthitis.
Which of course can be made worse by

Drumroll please

Anxiety and panic attacks!

\o/

Holy fuck i don't know how much clearer my body can be about screaming at me "get help".

I really think I gotta see someone about this. ._.;

Mostly on this account today because feeling fragile and not so good and don't want to flood my main account with negativity and me screaming into the void.

Which now that I type this i realize is pretty bad as well because I'm still just internalising this whole "stop being dramatic" shit I've been programmed to believe.

Oh yay the nausea dizziness lights becoming far too bright, and near fainting is back. Great. Fuck
Fuck.

Now:
Brain: [ I'm FiNEeeE!!?]
Me: oh. Hi depersonalisation anxiety dysphoria and possibly depression.
Brain [ UR fINe!! ]
Me: no I'm not
Brain: [ ALERT YOU ARE FINE AND ARE BEING DRAMATIC ]
Me: I'm... Definitely not?
Brain: [ YES THAT IS WHAT FINE MEANS NOW DO NOT SEEK HELP ]
Me: ... Fuck.

Younger me: I am fine.
Brain: [ALERT.]
Younger me: ?? ... I am fine?
Brain: *lacks any context or data about what exactly is wrong* [ALERT??!!!?????]
Me: *also similarly unequipped* uh... ? Is... Something wrong?
World: haha no you're just being dramatic and silly you're fine.
Me: o-oh... I... I'm...
World: YOU'RE FINE. STOP BEING A BABY
Brain: [NOT FINE]
Me: I... iM fINe.
Brain: [... FIne??]
Me: ... Y-yes?
Brain: [UPDATED. ALERT: EVERYTHING IS FINE!!!!!]
Me: h-haha. Yaaaayy....

"Gale" (that's not their real name, it's a moniker) is apparently characterised by certain musical tracks

The Prodigy - Wild Frontier
Hyper - Heartbeats
Rival Schools - Eyes Wide Open
Green Day - Having A Blast
The Offspring - Americana
... And weirdly FamilyJules7x's cover of Memory of Lightwaves from final fantasy x-2
Though that has specific imagery attached to it