Spirituality and the troubles with faith, belief and past.
I've taken a bit of a step back from certain spiritual things lately, particularly my focus on a local neopagan group. They're awesome, don't get me wrong, but...
I have about... one year under my belt with spirituality -in general-. I grew up 'catholic' but not in the actively-religeous-family kind of way but the 'of course we believe in God isn't that being a good person' sort of family.
and then got into toxic atheism.
Spirituality and the troubles with faith, belief and past.
I have been in that place of looking down on spirituality and belief and seeing folks who had strong belief as out of their mind.
And yet among the things that postfurry showed me when I first got into it, it was the type of spirituality that resonated with me. I began to question things and wonder about the very basics. What is belief, and what do I believe?
Until twice now I've admitted that I believe everything about me. All I've seen.
Spirituality and the troubles with faith, belief and past.
Sometimes I play like I've been at this my whole life, and in some specific separated things I have, but this stuff... This stuff is powerful.
It might humor you to know that I found myself at one point wading out into the waters telling myself I could always swim back just so I'd be less scared.
But see, I always knew that that was never a possibility. I knew that this path would -change me-, & it is absolutely, positively what I wanted
Spirituality and the troubles with faith, belief and past.
Because at that point I was afraid to admit that after my -first- reading about Neptunian Culture, I sat there looking at the words on the screen and my ocean-loving kid brain that always felt like a literal alien and
and I know instantly what belief was. It was scary, and it was powerful, and strong, and I liked it. I felt like I was quite literally made for it.
Spirituality and the troubles with faith, belief and past.
My mind at first was stuck on drawing that dotted line back to shore. having to have logic to justify the belief. having to have worth. "Okay, I'm shifting my perspective to achieve..."
it all faded. I havn't thought like that in ages... because at some point, I knew that I absolutely 100% believed who I was. this narrative. somehow. -somehow-.
it's been scary, carrying around this "what if folks think I'm out of my mind" "what if I am"
Spirituality and the troubles with faith, belief and past.
I still feel ridiculously vulnerable saying that, and I guess that's part of why I am taking a step back in some ways.
I need to figure out... where this -goes- from there. What do I want? I need.. perhaps time, but -something- to sooth my soul and let the reality of my spiritual truths to sink in.
I need to feel okay and secure believing.
Spirituality and the troubles with faith, belief and past.
@Oneironott I see you. I believe it's okay for you to believe your truth, to walk your path, and to find your own answers and your own way through life. You've come a long way on the power of your determination, and you've done a lot of hard and good work getting this far. I'm proud of you, and I know many others here are as well. I hope you find what you seek soon, and I wish you well in your search.
Spirituality and the troubles with faith, belief and past.
Personally, I honestly still have no idea what any of this Neptunian stuff is or what any of it means, but it does not seem to be harmful--quite the opposite, I think it might even be beneficial for your spiritual health. You are demonstrably strong; I believe that you will reject any words that do not come from a place of love, and have faith that you will find your own path. <3
Spirituality and the troubles with faith, belief and past.
If there has ever been a single more powerful moment in my life, it has been this time I just broke down crying, sobbing at the universe and labalene herself...
"I believe it all."