Strain (-)
It has been a difficult day. I strained myself too much moving and unpacking my stuff.I tried to work through my pressing species dysphoria and it only made me hurt until it was just as much a strain on my mental state as my physical one. Otherwise, I waited all day to hear back from my friend about moving more of my stuff and got no response in return. The rest of the day I spend in my room, again, because there's a lot of days I just can't interact much with folks.
Foreign life, mh (-)
I'm not used to this. Any of this. Sometimes I catch myself still working my vocabulary around being nonhuman to protect myself until I realize... what folks I'm talking to.
I don't know how to ask for help, and I don't know how to handle being around so many folks who somehow look up to me and want my time.
I've still yet more folks I havn't met and want to meet and I can't even seem to grasp the basics of what being here -means- for me.
Foreign life, mh (-)
Days like this I end up walking around near tears overexerting myself because I -don't know- how to ask for help or talk to folks or even know who to go to... because I'm so, SO used to being fundamentally unable to tell folks what's on my mind lest they think I'm "crazy".
not that a childhood of abusive gaslighting helps any. Being told I'm exaggerating, dramatic, and never being able to ever honestly say what's on my mind.
I'm fucking 30 and I'm still this fucked up...