-> @oneironott@vulpine.club @Oneironott@awoo.space

I will never understand where the FUCK people get off trying to ruin the lived of other trans folks and push them into suicide for -being ABDL- like holy fuck you dark fuckers.

Let alone the other stuff going on like what the fuck

size
diff

Vloelei
gender: toy
species: otter
body shape: ✨soft✨water sausage

I just went downstairs, ate a few cookies and half a thing of cheesy bread then prompt made popcorn I CANT BE STOPPED

I... really like inflating myself IRL too and having a somewhat rounder, firmer belly but still being so soft above that *blushes deep* I love being really comfortable and make of puffy love aaaaaaaa

I really REALLY like being told that I'm soft and comfortable to hug and be physical with

I really like being curvier. My body shape is SO otter-like too and it makes me really blushy aaaahhhhh

I still have a very hard time admitting and talking about liking larger body types

seeing how my fat/gainer friends feel about and react to nice round bellies gives me life tbh

Look also IMO skinny or round, big or small tums are SO GOOD n.n

It's no wonder moving here turned out to be harder than I expected and full of re-dealing with traumas.

"Because the last time I let myself feel this way
It was a long, long time ago
And now we get so scared, and we get so scared
To be nowhere left alone

Because it's now or never now"

I'm good. this is all positive, I just... Wow, perspective is a hell of a thing.

So this is why It was so important for me to get out. To move across the entire country and risk so much to start new. I did risk so much by doing this, and no wonder this ended up being harder than I expected when it was me -choosing- something that could put me in that sort of risk again.
This is what I needed to heal. This is what I needed to truly be Myself again.
*meek grin* and -I- thought it would be easy

Here I always was fooled into thinking Healing was this respawn timer ticking away until the moment I become Whole again.
But I needed time, I needed love, and I needed to find myself again. to believe in myself again.
I could -never- see it. But my lovers.. my friends.. I know you do see it. You always believed I could heal and that I deserved it, even when I couldn't see it.

I finally feel like I can see a bit of HOW I am so hard on myself, expecting to work as complete as another person when I've been shattered so. Gods it's now wonder I need.. compassion. and even when I could never see it, even when I am depressed and miserable wishing I could do more, You all have seen what I couldn't. How badly I needed security and healing and love

part of me hung on to hope. hung on to every vague possibility that I may actually be This. That I may be nonhuman and.. all that I am now. That there was the vaguest of possibilities that it could be true...
and that feeling got me through. That hope was enough of who I am and where I'm from to give me something to live for. to survive for, to push for and to HEAL for.

I've been slowly rebuilding myself since then. Slowly , I made friends, I got out, I crawled inch by inch to a place where i could breath.
And then he raped me. My ex. I was traumatized all over again.
And I started crawling again. It's no wonder it took me -so- long to even get -here-. It's a miracle i even got here -at all-. How did I ever hang on?

The only things that no one can EVER take away from you. Who I am, Where I'm from. My sense of self and sense of place. I ran from them, so that when everything else fell I didn't even have myself to confide in. That's when I became plural. That's when we shattered. Gods, that's when we shattered...

I've been trying to recover from the ashes of my trauma... who I am and where I'm from.. trying to find the things that matter to me and cling onto them.
I lost everything. I lost -so- much and had -nothing-. When I lost my friends, my family, my LIFE, I had run from the things that made me inherently me.