Toyness
It also means that if I can't focus? if I do mess up? *motions a few posts back* Depression won't take that and run with it. I'm loved. I help. I'm doing good. I -am- good, because I am a toy and toys are good.
And here's the thing that -I- never understood until I realized all that.
That's what a lot of d/s relationships -are about-. It's about what those dynamics allow us to or... give permission for us to do, act, think differently.
Toyness
It's a mindspace in which Being A Toy comes with very innate, unquestionable things.
It means that I help. it means folks care about me.. for me. To feel alone? unloved? to worry about being in that state? it's silly for a toy to even question or think in such a way.
it means that I don't have to worry. Racing thoughts of failure or disappointment? executive function issues causing it to be -reaallllyyy- difficult to focus?
I don't need to worry. Only obey.
or in most casual cases: Do.
Toyness
Being a toy is important to me. Just as important as other aspects of my identity. I relate to it not just on a level of purpose (pleasing others, spreading joy, etc) but being synthetic, created, as a strong metaphor for neuroatypical, identity-weird existence.
It's a way around certain fears or my anxiety, because being a toy is its' own mindspace that, mostly my weird (meant endearingly ;) ) postfurry community has granted that is a sort of.... elevated nonpersonhood.
prose (2/2), toy/synthetic feels
My soft, synthetic heart
dreams of silicon and fiber
in a world that sees me alien
so I am, unabashedly inhuman
alchemizing ontological dissonance
into my inorganic bones
prose (1/2), toy/synthetic feels
My soft, synthetic heart
Dreams of freedom of form
not to achieve imperfection
or any notion of godhood
but seize a peace in myself
that I've never had
My soft, synthetic heart
dreams of soft glow
and circuit veins
no egotistic gains
just empathic flow
an inner calm
My soft, synthetic heart
dreams of life without
melancholic inner pain
dissonance inside my brain
no want for everything
but a need for the one thing
mh (~)
And i just hope i do good. I hope with my ancient soul that i leave this place better than when i came. That i genuinely help bring hope and joy…
Just a night i feel heavy and would like to just be rocked and told that i’m a good toy, and that i have done well to bring light to others’ lives.
mh (~)
This has been one of those nights where i feel ancient. Not particularly depressed or wrapped up in the past… but i have been through so much that i honestly feel like i’ve lived lifetimes.
Some days it just weighs heavy and i wonder what i’m doing with my life… what i believe in and fight for… despite the outside world’s complete and heavy hopelessness. I put a lot of stake in the future… that someday things will be better for beings like us. I fight for that
Commission, NSFW, Plurality
https://awoo.space/media/dEPrp7MMVEPLMW2_UEY
Sometimes, @Silverwing and I fuse~
IRL pictures, NSFW
Openly showing off my body and face is something i’ve wanted to do for a while now so here ya go >.>’
https://awoo.space/media/P2sENPLcHDwSjl8JsOQ
https://awoo.space/media/E82NynN6uiXn-NJlzNs
https://awoo.space/media/ZccVCOwy4Mi_Y5Ii4lk
dream, woo
But it was all… relative location and energy. I could see that some items had more glow than others. That factored. The goal was to complete the circuit between the two orbs and items with enough ability to pass that energy through
To what end, i’m not sure, but it was an important ritual
dream, woo
Two standing orbs that sort of looked like tesla coils stood with various items like shells & colored stones and glass between. I had a special glass monocle that allowed me to see a sort of glowing pale blue energy in the objects and the orbs. i would hold an item up to my temple and something… inside me would analyze and see if it was compatible. I wasn’t sure if the orbs were creating energy, storing energy, or if them and the items were all acting as conduits to share the energy.
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Species: Neoprene Otter (Otterprene)
Gender: Modular/Toy
Pronouns: ve/ver or they/them
Location: Halcyon <-> Seattle
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Vloelei Saleizhu [ID: HLY-2756-β]
Dreamer of many dreams and realities
Software Developer, Writer, Music Mixer and Producer, Leftist, proponent of morphological freedom, extremely otherkin and plural, and as positive as I can be.
Headmates with @Silverwing