-> @oneironott@vulpine.club @Oneironott@awoo.space

I almost died. Numerous times. Some of my friends -did- die. I’m been so damaged by my trauma that i don’t even function like others do. It took so much for me to get here and i did and just… looking at what i went through and realizing how deeply and wholly… I can’t even begin to think of a word for it. Like… deeply and viscerally scarred and devastated i am as a being.

Nothing made me realize just how bad things were than distancing myself from it all, and physical distance, as it turns out, was a big factor.
It has hit me in a crushing way, though, that i don’t seem to be able to really function right with. I mean, i keep crying and crying and sinking down and escaping when i should be doing work.
I went through so, so much and even though it was long ago, getting physically far away from the places i was traumatized hits hard

I’ve had a moment today where i’m very much realizing how Not Okay i am and have been. I’m so completely oblivious to my own emotions that i’m just like “oh I’m really not okay aren’t i”.
Which seems silly because i’m in a really good place in life right now. I suppose, though, thats part of the issue.

oh GODS FILL ME <3

Write “cum dump” on my chassis and fill me with spunk until i drool it 💙♠️💙

🎶My whole room smells like ruuubbber and i’m really sorry to my other housemates if the smell is escapiiing🎶

(Reflection and continuation)
Perhaps a sort of postfurry magic is when everything we would be and do starts to blend with all of that to create immensely altered spaces and states of mind. Spaces where sure, it’s not the same sort of real, but… for now? In this space? Well, it may as well be.

Magic is what happens when it blends together with the rest of your life and you form bonds with it. Using mental tools to interface and operating on metaphor until the metaphor has dissipated in your mind and the magic is still there.
Magic is real but magic nor real are what you’d think they are. There are things that are tangible real and another sort of real that is those mental constructs. I can’t point at depression, but it’s still there. It has a [negative] worth

[copied from elsewhere]
Magic is perception, suggestion, the liminal & altered states of conciousness. It’s multiple little acts over time born of their own worth in happiness forging an aspect of life that no longer works on the principles you came to understood… given its own life and living it’s own