-> @oneironott@vulpine.club @Oneironott@awoo.space

Dusty but cute

I'm heading off to CFT today, so I'll be off online contact for a while.
catch ya on the other side :P

Who took a plush selfy with my phone

I still feel ridiculously vulnerable saying that, and I guess that's part of why I am taking a step back in some ways.
I need to figure out... where this -goes- from there. What do I want? I need.. perhaps time, but -something- to sooth my soul and let the reality of my spiritual truths to sink in.
I need to feel okay and secure believing.

If there has ever been a single more powerful moment in my life, it has been this time I just broke down crying, sobbing at the universe and labalene herself...
"I believe it all."

My mind at first was stuck on drawing that dotted line back to shore. having to have logic to justify the belief. having to have worth. "Okay, I'm shifting my perspective to achieve..."
it all faded. I havn't thought like that in ages... because at some point, I knew that I absolutely 100% believed who I was. this narrative. somehow. -somehow-.
it's been scary, carrying around this "what if folks think I'm out of my mind" "what if I am"

Because at that point I was afraid to admit that after my -first- reading about Neptunian Culture, I sat there looking at the words on the screen and my ocean-loving kid brain that always felt like a literal alien and
and I know instantly what belief was. It was scary, and it was powerful, and strong, and I liked it. I felt like I was quite literally made for it.

Sometimes I play like I've been at this my whole life, and in some specific separated things I have, but this stuff... This stuff is powerful.
It might humor you to know that I found myself at one point wading out into the waters telling myself I could always swim back just so I'd be less scared.

But see, I always knew that that was never a possibility. I knew that this path would -change me-, & it is absolutely, positively what I wanted

I have been in that place of looking down on spirituality and belief and seeing folks who had strong belief as out of their mind.
And yet among the things that postfurry showed me when I first got into it, it was the type of spirituality that resonated with me. I began to question things and wonder about the very basics. What is belief, and what do I believe?
Until twice now I've admitted that I believe everything about me. All I've seen.

I've taken a bit of a step back from certain spiritual things lately, particularly my focus on a local neopagan group. They're awesome, don't get me wrong, but...
I have about... one year under my belt with spirituality -in general-. I grew up 'catholic' but not in the actively-religeous-family kind of way but the 'of course we believe in God isn't that being a good person' sort of family.
and then got into toxic atheism.

I am seriously new to feeling physical attraction as a demisexual* person who specifically is attracted to nonhumans.
Of all the places in this world I could have been, I'm in a community -OF BEAUTIFUL NONHUMAN FOLKS-
Suddenly it's like I'm feeling a bit of what non-asexual/gray ace folks feel towards eachother and WOAH hell if -I- can manage to control it

mmphhh y'all are so, so sexy, hot damn. landed in the best community of such sexy creatures :P

lick my big throbbing queer otter knot drooling luminescent blue spunk that will make your belly glow and let everyone know that you swallowed my psychadelic spunk

Postfurry: come for the sexy queer radical animal people stay for the kelp and also the sexy queer radical animal people

​

I’m sorry that i dont have much to add today. Today is just yesterday’s bad shit continued.

I don’t even know what i can do anymore.
I was happy to move here in part because I’d be closer to my loved ones… more able to help then.

But I can’t do anything
I can’t help
I can’t alleviate the pressure
I can’t heal their hurts
I cant do anything

I can just stand by
And watch
And cower
As more people die
And wonder why its not me
Helpless
Hopeless
I can’t take this