-> @oneironott@vulpine.club @Oneironott@awoo.space

I guess time and experience will tell, and i guess technically in a lot of bodily ways I'm back learning.
What I'm really struggling with is just… ways to get off and enjoy myself solo, which seems to add up to a LOT less than before HRT. It's a struggle some days, and amazing other days. Maybe that's just the new norm? Like…a greater variance of pleasure as opposed to before, when i could always be pretty sure I'd be able to get off/feel pleasure

Libido and arousal for me being e-based is so weird and i can't seem to get a hang of it.
Last night i was VERY aroused, but any attention to my cock wouldn't really do anything for me. It wasn't all bad. I still felt pleasure and arousal if only from the thoughts in my head. i still managed to get off with enough imagining everything as something different ^^'
But this hasnt happened always? It's… weird.

If you wonder why I -still- seem so enormously enamored with All Of This™ and this community, part of it is because it is truly something I believe in, and which helped me to push the direction of my life in a way of happiness and satisfaction that I didn't think possible... And also part of it, I am realizing, is because it seems to be a mirror that shows me little pieces of myself I have come to be so proud of. Maybe the wonder I see in others is a reflection of the wonder in me.

And so, we create our own stories
together
we forge our own selves
together
we push our own lives
together
we explore the possibilities
together
We become BRAZEN
TOGETHER.

Transitioning quickly taught me that the larger opinions of the world around me had -nothing- on the ones of those closest to me. Those Other People may say things to hurt me, but largely my quality of life is defined by the time I spend with it.
So it comes as no surprise to me that I found folks around the same time who took All Of This™ and furry and seemingly stamped a paw down and went "Let's be fucking brazen."

I may not be able to change this world or leave to the dream/idealized one I daydream of with wispy sighs, and I may not be able to change this form.
but perception... attitude... language.. -culture-?
These things I can change.
I can rethink the definitions of so many things I had previously defined with only rigid, objective definitions. What IS, what we CAN BE, who we ARE and where we're FROM. Sprinkles of subjectivity and maybe just relaxation open into vibrancies of being.

It feels brazen to start to take the whole of my being in almost every aspect of it that I have come to know and start to arduously push it closer to something more liminal. One thing clicked after another. My gender, my species, my spirituality, my worldview, my everything. The awe-inspiring feeling I felt back then was realizing that it is all, in some ways, mutable and able to accept the exertion of my influence.

Gradually and gradually, I rewrite my own story. I change the way I think, speak, and live. In a way, this has been taking what I've always done with furry selves and turning it up to twelve. I always made the self I connected to 'better' than me. something I wanted to strive to, and so I emulated and became it.
I guess I can't say "It's about x" because it's.. about everything. Everything as a huge blurry system of spectrum. connections of influence.