Raspberry Foxy @Raspberryfloof@awoo.space

There isn't anything else going through my mind right now besides "I am complete trash with no purpose in the world."

I want so badly to hurt myself right now.

I can't, because my mechanism keeping me from doing that is still functional.

But it is definitely being strained.

Today I don't feel much besides... angry.

I hate feeling angry.

If I ever do, it means something has critically failed somewhere, because I try taking so many steps to keep myself from being angry.

But I am.

I am incredibly angry, fuming, seething, ...

At myself.

Tasty. https://awoo.space/media/Mlw7teCoGjWK-Gk3NXA

Having brunch at Super Duper Burger and watching people walk by.

Today I had a lot of positive feelings followed by a lot of negative feelings...

... I think in the end, I came away with even more of a sense of not-belonging here, and thinking my anxiety issues are entirely to blame...

... but at least I got a bunch of game ideas? I probably won't make them... but at least I feel better about things and feel decently creative enough that I think I might actually be able to make a game of my own someday...

I removed the "@ GDC" tag from my name because I still don't feel like I belong here... and I don't know anybody else well enough to ask about meeting up, and shouldn't be burdening them with meeting up outside the expo when they have an expo to visit and people to have fun with and parties to attend and generally lots of fun things they could be doing...

<my headmates> oh and please just actually LISTEN to your emotions, they are telling you what you should do so please just do it

.-.;;;; they know me better than I know myself most of the time

<me> I wanna go meet up with people at GDC!!!
<me> aaaa I'm too shy I want to run away
<me> it'll be fine!!! just go do it!!!
<me> butbut I don't belong here and don't know how to talk with people and I'm just trash
<me> c'mon pleeeease, it's already 9AM and people will be there!!!
<me> aaaa stop I can't do it help .-.

<my headmates> JUST SHUT UP ALREADY WE'RE TRYING TO SLEEP HERE GOD

I almost put 🦊 in my name here but "Raspberry 🦊 GDC" doesn't quite send the right message >////>

Uggghhhh having really bad anxiety spikes realizing how much I don't fit in or belong at GDC

have to, get lots of things done, no time left, aaaaaaa .-.;;;;;;