thinking about death in the quarantimes (~-)
The thing that gets me the most sometimes is knowing that it's pretty statistically likely that someone I know will die before this pandemic is over. Who? I have no idea. I don't have that many relatives I'm close with at this point, I could take that without too much emotional cratering - all the ones I had strong ties with are already gone, except my parents. If one of my friends dies though, I'll be goddamned devastated. Especially if it's in the fall/winter, when I don't really have any emotional resources left to weather anything major happening.
re: thinking about death in the quarantimes (~-)
But of course I'd be thinking like this, right? Yesterday was the anniversary of the death of my sister's first husband, all those years ago. Tomorrow's the anniversary of the death of my best friend from high school nine years ago, while he was staying under my roof. Today isn't really a calm spot in that emotional maelstrom, it's just bouncing between the two.
Christ I wish my brain wouldn't be so cyclical about this. Every year there's emotional landmines left in the days people passed away.
I don't want there to be any more of them.
