What do you do when a longtime friend makes jokes at your expense about topics that actually really hurt your feelings, but friend might not know they do? What do you do when said friend tends to shut down if confronted?
@Sparrow you tell them anyway. They're hurting you, and wouldn't want to do that intentionally if they're really your friend, Y'know? Not telling them either makes it harder to tell them later or slowly drives a wedge between you until you're no longer friends.
Enforcing boundaries is hard, and not fun for anyone involved... But extremely important.
Yeah, that makes sense. It'll probably be more effective than me just not talking to her for a while, which honestly seems to be what happens with her and some of her other friends (she'll worry she's offended them, but instead of saying something they just avoid her for a month or two).
I honestly think she doesn't realize when she's said something that hurts; we both make a fair amount of self-deprecating humor, and she may not realize when a subject is upsetting for me.
(cont)
@mawr
I think talking to her about it will initially cause her to feel guilty and uncomfortable, but I think it's important that she hear it from somebody. For the sake of my feelings, and also because this seems to be happening in her other friendships, and no one else is talking to her about it.