Sparrow 🐦 @Sparrow@awoo.space

For those who need a visual.

Yes, I do pretend to be Agent Fox Mulder when I go for jogs, thanks for asking.

Just realized Moby's legal middle name is Melville, and OH.

I don't think there's anything inherently wrong with dressing the way I do, I just fear that I might be appropriating the feeling that goes along with it.

My main concern is that this feeling of being a "boy in a dress" isn't mine to feel. At least, not until I undergo some kind of medical transition and live the experience of being read as a man in punky women's clothing.

So, I really like wearing dresses with combat boots. I don't dress like this very often, at most once or twice a month, but I do enjoy it when I do. I feel playful, punky, and rebellious. And more than that, I feel like a boy wearing a dress.

But the problem is, I haven't undergone any medical transition, so to the outside world I just look like a plain/frumpy woman in a silly dress. And I fear the feelings about being "playful with gender" are lost on everyone else.

But yeah, the person who runs Goblin Threads is just a really beautiful human with an awesome sense of fashion.

And makeup, no clothes here.

Credit: http://goblinthreads.tumblr.com/

So yeah, if I had the money to completely revamp my wardrobe it would be mostly gaucho/harem pants, tunic tops, dark colors, boots, and many, many layers.

I have a few boots, at least.

Part Two:

Whoops, I accidentally spent the last 20 min composing a Fae Boi Lookbook.

Here are some highlights (many from Goblin Threads, also Xylem clothing and Pyramid Collection).

I dislike most traditional business clothes. I feel uncomfortable in dresses, pant suits, and mens shirts/slacks/ties, for different reasons.

In an ideal world, I would wear flowy clothing in dark reds, charcoals, purples, greens, blues, and blacks, that disguises my silhouette. Sports bra underneath, tunic tops, gaucho pants, the kinds of clothes a modern dancer or androgynous elfling might wear.

Hippie clothes, so to speak, but I can't afford them right now.

I've been having the hardest time trying to figure out a way I can dress professionally and feel comfortable in my gender at the same time. Professional clothing is traditionally quite binary wrt gender presentation.

I don't like wearing makeup, though I'm expected to. Particularly as a, er, not traditionally beautiful person, it's expected for me to wear makeup in order to look presentable. I'm expected to shave/pluck body hair for the same reason.

I'm having to read about the Professional and Ethical Compliance Code for Behavior Analytics for my new job.

And that's fine. That's normal and expected.

What's horrible to read about is *why* the field needs an ethics code. AKA the Sunland Miami Scandals.

Tl;dr: I knew abuse happened frequently in psychological institutions in the 1940s-1970s. But Oh Boy is it fun getting sidelined by the horrible history of one's chosen field when not expecting it.

My kid is finally back in school this week. It's been fun honestly, trying out all the new tools I made for him. He likes his big qwerty keyboard and the opposites game.

I was up late last night doing work homework and now I kinda dizzy and blurry today.

The little pine weasel, a friend.

I put parmesan in a salad with a spicy peanut vinaigrette

Man, watching shows with subtitles on is massively helpful. I only used to do this for foreign language films, but even with English it helps. It can be really easy to miss audio.

First day at new job. Everyone seems... Really nice. Somewhat regretting not moving to Oakland but that's okay.