extistential nonsense, reincarnation
Why am I here?
...
Why am "I" "here"?
Where will "I" be in the next life?
Will I be in a life in the future? Or maybe in the past?
Will I be within the proximity of this life? Or could I be reborn on an entirely different world?
Why am "I" not "someone else"? Or have I "been" someone else? How do I know I'm not someone else "right now", and "I" simply haven't got there yet? Or maybe "I" already have been "someone else"?
If I won't have another life in this reality, where will "I" be? From some outer reality, why did I then choose to be "here", in this life?
An awful lot of "why" questions for things that simply "are".
twitter, tech industry grump
Twitter has made a bunch of UI changes - less elements are coloured or filled, and the font has become extremely corporate and uncomfortable to read.
Now a lot of people ask, why did they change such things? ... for engagement. It's always engagement.
They want you to click things. Watch more people, post more tweets, make the numbers go up for the investors. It's psychological manipulation of the masses all to make Big Numbers for someone's pockets.
Twitter, other social networks, mobile apps... the whole lot of them are all doing these tricks, and I really do grow tired of it.
Oops, it turns out that in the default code a method was being run that clears actor (party side) actions.
This same method has aliased code that resets charges for the party. This was being run during the "pre-battle phase".
Doing away with this line calling this method, the alteration of the battler turn charge seems to be behaving much better.
My problem at the moment, is that I seem to be resetting and reshuffling the turn order each turn, so while I can reduce a turn "charge" to zero if that side is at a disadvantage, the next turn everything gets reset and the advantage is lost.
I'm sure I have some way to check if an invisible "round" of turns is complete, but I'm not sure where that was... or if maybe it was in an older version of this project...
re: vr selfies
Additional pictures from my friend. Seeing me in a feral posture is pretty nice...
Also now about that one tier list that lists the Kirby fandom as "largely pleasant" and I'm wondering if that suggests something about why I've felt discontent with social media since 2011, since my introduction to internet communities was Kirby's Rainbow Resort, and therefore a (I'd like to think) "largely pleasant" place that didn't prepare me for how cut-throat elsewhere could be.
Thought debris on internet fame, parasocial relationships, etc., twitter link
Crosspost from my Twitter, quote-tweeting the following:
Friendly reminder that you have zero control over how other people perceive you so you might as well just be the person you want to be anyway
-- Soph
A thought I had recently is that I liked the idea of being "famous" for any stories or games or whatever I made when I was "younger" because the internet wasn't the absolute mixing pot hellfire that is social media.
Without social media, who cares whatever others thought? The only people I had to worry about were those on forums I frequented, and these were largely Kirby fandom forums.
... this is sort of a lie, of course. I remember being stressed out as a teen that I would end up on Encylopedia Dramatica, and I was told "just don't cause drama" by a certain someone, essentially implying they saw archival and mocking of strangers' lives as justified in some cases.
But nowadays I feel that people can think whatever they want, as long as they're not causing trouble for others. If people want to be puritanical neoconservatives, then whatever. But they should keep their toxicity to their bubbles.
... but this also applies to positive reception, because of the rise of parasocial relationships! That expectation by fans that others they've put on podiums owe them attention. If we were allowed to exist in our own spaces without serving strangers' wishes, it would be less a problem. Then creators could just create without feeling constantly judged by nobodies.
dream, squeak, inflation
I had an incredibly surreal, possibly lucid dream last night.
I was in the car going somewhere with my parents, but something seemed off. As we were backing out of the garage, there was suddenly a large inflatable (red? blue?) ball was wedged in the garage where the car was. It was parade-float-like, in that I could see it was made up of several polygonal sheets with obvious seams. It seemed rather cheap, in a way.
I think I was somewhat lucid about the fact I was dreaming, as the dream kept backing up a little, or restarting, or something, as if my subconscious was tripping up and trying to step back a bit.
I ended up bursting the big inflatable ball somehow, but I'm not sure how this happened, if I ended up out of the car or what.
The next moment, I was lying down in the living room with a scrunched up ball of blue rubber - obviously the remains of the inflatable ball, though certainly not enough rubber to be as big as it once was.
I then ate it.
I then noticed my hands starting to look puffy, light blue shiny patches appearing on my hands and a bit over my arms. I open the sliding door (or it was already open?) onto the verandah and stand on the lawn and look up to the sky. I don't know if I saw it or just - in dream - imagined it, but I remember my belly getting round and blue, too. I think there was some more of the dream glitching back a few seconds again, as I feel like going outside happened a few times.
I jumped, I wanted to see if I would float. I jumped a few more times (possibly dream glitches again), I think by this point I was certain I was dreaming, because I saw potential for squeaky adventures and wanted them to happen. Every time I jumped on the lawn, I felt myself get lighter, my jumps higher and floatier.
I'm not sure if I started floating or not. I remember a particular floaty moment, and visions of the clouds, but I may have woken by this point. That was probably just me wishing I'd continued dreaming, I wanted to get to the floating flying part...
I got back to sleep at some point, but the next dream was less interesting, just something about a colourful flat with my brother and clutter everywhere.
But still, that first dream... becoming a balloonie and floating with each step and jump... I haven't had a dream like that in a long time... <3
I'm an artist and something of a game dev living in New Zealand.
I talk about personal things that can get tangentially NSFW. While I wouldn't call this an after-dark account, it's kind of a mishmash personal account and prefer to mingle with people I know or trust.