I haven't been engaging with a whole lot of people on any platform lately and it's because I've been thinking a whole lot about when I got chewed out for small talk.

I had a realization that that's all I really have. I don't have anything to share, there's nothing substantive about the things that happen in my life (at least things I can make interesting), so I've got to ask questions and get them to talk about their things instead, and it sounds like prying.

It's been a hard pill to swallow. I do a lot of things that are uninteresting to share but absolutely captivating to me personally. Friends do their best to engage with me but without the same context they just sort of get lost in whatever it is I share.

It's not their fault, the writing on that pill is "people aren't always going to understand whatever it is that you do, these are the things you have chosen to pursue, and you have to be okay with that".

It sticks me with "ask them what's new" to keep a conversation up, and I can't go into that without some sort of warmup like "hey" without sounding inquisitive, and this small talk is a request for a lot of energy from some, which got me into this mess in the first place.

After the third person, it begins to feel like a fundamental failure on my part and I've hesitated a whole lot more before even starting.

It feels like it's less harmful to listen, observe, don't speak.

I kinda like social media for that reason, friends can post things and pick something they want to lead with. Responses seem more desired. Other people can decide to engage and expand on it all. And that's pretty great!

I'm having a rough go at accepting it as the only method of communication I should use and limiting my writing only to include the kinds of things people will find interesting.